I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
they need to just BURY HIM!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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