I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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