i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
