is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
