I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
