Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
