got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
