Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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