she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
