whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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