His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
