We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My balls are so social today.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
