I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Randomize
