Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize