We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
