He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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