I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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