I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is Oprah even human
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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