Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
