I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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