Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
