Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
