This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Alive.
So much puke
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
