The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
