Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
