woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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