you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
