He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
