Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
