is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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