"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
