I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
