Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
