Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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