Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Let's get the cat blown out
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
