so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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