Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
