I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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