We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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