when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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