Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
