Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
