yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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