i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
