Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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