I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you had me at cake vodka
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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