I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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