I puked a lego.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He felt like a one man threesome
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
