So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
