he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
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Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
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We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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