so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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