Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
