"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
