my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
