when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
