please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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