Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
