You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
