Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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