forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
