i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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