just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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