So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
