someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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