lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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