Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
