Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize