I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.