You can't motorboat a personality
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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