I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.