drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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