2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing