you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
