I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
