I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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