Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
