How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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