My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize