i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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