I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
