I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
