I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
