I smell stomach acid.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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