You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
