Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
